This week, I read that when a writer has nothing to write about, that simply means their life is boring. I’ve been trying to determine if this applies to me. I don’t necessarily think my life is boring, but I find it more difficult lately to fixate on topics that I want to write about.
This might be due to the valley I’ve been sitting in, trying to recover after a personal event that took more of a toll than I was at first willing to admit. Building back your confidence takes vulnerability, which in turn takes energy, which ends up leaving me drained by the end of the day when it comes time to write.
I let my writing fall to the wayside to make space for the work of becoming myself again. But everyday I didn’t write, I began to feel worse. I sank deeper in my turmoil than I really needed to because I wasn’t doing the things I loved, like writing and reading and working toward my personal and professional goals.
I realized, slowly, as always, these activities were actually the catalyst for change, and for becoming, that I was desperately reaching for in my waking hours. When I write, or read, or research something new and exciting, there are moments of unparalleled joy. In letting myself forgo these pursuits, I was making my problems more difficult, not less.
This week, I’m trying a new routine that incorporates twenty minutes of writing and twenty minutes of studying a new subject each day. This number is doable enough that I can still go socialize with friends, get eight hours of sleep, run the allotted miles needed for marathon training and still invest time and energy into more creative pursuits.
I think it’s helping. When I write, or study, and get into a flow, I feel more at ease and present with myself. I’m hopeful that the twenty minute goal is moderate enough to allow me to continue to show up for myself, even when my days feel arduous. The idea is not to win a race of speed, but to make slow, consistent progress on my pursuits that, over time, will help me develop into the kind of person I want to become, or, just maybe, resurface the kind of person I already am.
It’s so easy to forget the things we love when life feels heavy or things feel difficult, but if we instead lean into the things that spark happiness, we’ll inevitably feel a lot better a lot faster. This idea feels so simple I feel somewhat silly even writing it down, but it’s true. And it’s important to write down because my passion projects and the things I love are often the first things I push away when I feel stressed or life throws a curveball my way.
There’s so much intentionality in reminding myself of the things I love and pursuing these interests even when I’ve forgotten how much they mean to me. Some days it feels like taking medicine as a kid- a disgusting, seemingly useless pursuit. But just as I did after taking a particularly nasty-tasting dose of tylenol in my youth, after I engage in activity, I feel significantly better. More creative, more present, more refreshed. And I remind myself of these side effects every time I want to skip for the day or be done early.
So, even though I couldn’t fixate on a specific topic to write about this week, I did write for twenty minutes each day, and though the process was taxing, I completed this blog post (draft two if you can even believe it). If I keep going, I believe that the process of writing will feel more creative and my brain will start to think of ideas organically. The journey will be long, and slow, as anything worthy of effort typically is, but the goal is to simply keep going.
If you’re thinking about skipping a passion project this week, I urge you to keep going too. Even if you’re stressed at work, or need to go to a last minute dinner, or have a million other things sucking your energy, I promise that engaging with something you love, if only for a few minutes each day, will help you feel better about all the rest of life’s clutter.
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