Today, I’m thinking about the importance of being able to extend grace not only to others, but to ourselves as well.
I was in a room full of educators for a professional development meeting a couple of days ago and we were asked to reflect on our recent job performance. What had we done right? Where were there areas for improvement? After a few quiet minutes, we shared some of our glows and grows in small groups.
During the exercise, I noticed that myself, and almost every other individual in the room, immediately began our share outs with opportunities for growth, instead of naming the accomplishments we were proud of.
Educators are notorious for being their own worst critics, but this phenomenon is one I notice among many of my friends and acquaintances, regardless of their profession. For whatever reason, many of us are wary to just give ourselves some grace.
It’s easy to extend grace to others. To offer a kind word when someone is down, to uplift someone else’s excellent work, to forgive another’s actions when they misstep. But so often, we seem to forget that we deserve to give ourselves that same grace as well.
We are all human. Whether professionally or in our personal lives, we’re all going to make mistakes. So why do we feel the need to beat ourselves up after the fact? As long as we try our best to make amends and take responsibility, there’s no reason our failures need to shine brighter than our accomplishments. The weight of our perceived shortcomings has no impact on the value of our success. We succeeded BECAUSE we were willing to lean in, make mistakes, and learn from them. Not because we were somehow magically able to avoid pitfalls and get everything right on the first try. When we give ourselves grace for the mistakes, we not only allow ourselves some relief, but also remind ourselves that our mistakes can actually be assets to our accomplishments.
I brought up this point to my small group after we’d all shared out. On the next round of reflection, I challenged them to think of successes instead of failures first, and share these with the group before listing out any defeats. The mood lifted around the table when this challenge was proposed. People were excited to extend grace to themselves and reframe the narratives of their failures.
I offer this same challenge to readers: next time you’re asked to reflect on your recent work, whether it’s in your personal or professional life, extend yourself some grace. List out the accomplishments first. Reframe the thinking around failures and present yourself a narrative that implies they are a positive force driving your work to get better each day. Mentally, give yourself a hug and remind yourself that you’re doing a good job.
When you extend grace to yourself, you’re also reminding yourself of your inherent value and depositing a few coins in the bank of self-love. This is something I’m consistently working to build up, and the opportunity to practice self-love makes the idea of extending myself some grace even more worthwhile.
Being kind to ourselves is incredibly important, especially in an era when the rhetoric of daily life can oftentimes feel inherently negative and soul-crushing. You are worthy of love, forgiveness, compassion and kindness not only from others, but perhaps even more importantly, from yourself.
So next time you fail or feel inadequate, or think you’ve done a terrible job at something, don’t be afraid to give yourself a little grace.
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